I made my first big purchase when I was 5 years old. I had had my eye on this My Little Pony in the toy aisle at the Jewel for a while. The pony was purple, and when you squeezed it it made galloping and whinnying noises. It cost $8. At that time, that was 8 weeks worth of allowance for me. I mean, we’re talking big money here. When I had finally saved up enough money, I tagged along with my mom while she was grocery shopping, took the My Little Pony off the shelf, brought it up to the counter, and shelled out the eight Washingtons. When I got home, I tore open the packaging and wouldn’t put the thing down the entire night. My dad off-handedly made a remark about not playing with it too much or I would wear out the battery inside that made the noises. He meant it jokingly, but the comment was like a kick in the gut for me. I was suddenly aware of the fleeting nature of material goods. I couldn’t sleep that night, and was convinced I had made a horrible mistake in purchasing the pony. My parents talked me out of trying to return it to the store, but from then on I carefully rationed how many times I would squeeze to pony to hear the noises.

Melodramatic? Ok, slightly. But I remember this incident vividly, and I think it says a lot about my current fiscal nature. You see, I sort of have a really difficult time spending money. When I was a kid my income was always based on mowing the lawn and washing the dishes. I’ve worked various part-time jobs since I was 17. Money never came free to me, which is surprising to some given my parents’ economic status. But then again it never came free to them, either. When you have to work for money, it’s a lot harder to spend.

Why am I talking about this? Because I just got a job, that’s why. And I’m thinking about going shopping tomorrow and spending money on things that I haven’t allowed myself to spend money on in a while. And it will be difficult, and my brain might say “No! You don’t need that!” but I might just buy it anyway. During my five months in Chile, I spent almost all of my savings on travel expenses. Before I left for Chile I told myself that it would be OK to spend all of my money on a life-changing experience. And I don’t regret it. I got back to America scraping the bottom of the barrel that is my checking account, and planning on getting a job ASAP. But my wonderful grandparents gave me a very generous Christmas gift of cash that allowed me to put off the job search for a couple of months and get my feet back on the ground while I was readjusting to life back in Wheaton. I have tried to not really spend this money because I knew that the source was not being replenished while I was unemployed.

I am now employed. In a few weeks, the balance of my checking account will begin to increase with every paycheck rather than decrease every time I pay off my credit card (which I have for the sole purpose of building credit even though I don’t actually use the credit). It’s a good feeling. So, despite a previous entry involving a mall rant, I think I might go to the mall tomorrow. It’s my Spring Break, so I will go to the mall when all of the middle schoolers are still in school. I will go to the mall, sans kiddies, and I will spend money.

I’m always wary of random statistics, but here are some to ponder:

• 70% of divorces are caused by financial difficulties.

• 1,500,000 Americans file for bankruptcy every year.

• 71% of credit card holders only pay the minimum payment.

• Americans save on average -0.5% of their income.

• The average American household carries $10,000-$12,000 in debt and has 9 credit cards.

The bottom line is: a lot of people have financial problems. And financial problems cause a lot of stress. Now, maybe I’m a little too stingy. But I know people who don’t think twice about dropping $200 on a pair of boots that they just can’t afford, and they carry around a huge financial burden that I don’t think I will ever have.

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